I woke up this morning with a strong urge to go very early for a walk, not to my usual undisturbed place by the shore where I do my QiGong practice, but to the beach area where the small restaurants are.
Before heading out for my walk, I wrote in my journal as always. I was setting down thoughts of how I needed to return to my priority goals for living here, the goals which were demonstrations of living a life true to my Self.
Recently, frustration has been a dominant feeling affecting my emotional attitude to almost everyone and everything. I have been feeling strong bouts of sadness and unhappiness. I have previously read that feeling negative and critical of others is a symptom of something deeper and finally, I realize that the something deeper is that I have forgotten my focus and lost sight of the goals for living that brought me here many years ago. I have been occupied with other goals, setting up a business, creating a course, studying how to market it, applying pressure and time deadlines to every day which sometimes get carried out but more often do not and leave me frustrated and unhappy with my productivity.
So I listened to the urge to visit the beach area as I did when I first came to this place and a new life. Why had I forgotten the joy of the early morning when the beach is just beginning to wake up? It used to be a daily ritual. The beach cleaners were there, but only a few walkers were enjoying the soft sand, the sound of the waves, the peaceful healing of this place before the raucous sounds of people and music fill the air. And in the healing sound of the waves, I heard myself say, “How wonderful this is, how healing. This is why I am here in this place, the reason I came here many years ago.”
As I walked, a verse of the poem, Sea Fever, by John Masefield popped up in my mind.
“I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.”
Those words, “a clear call that may not be denied” helped me realize that I had erected a cage with bars and put myself inside. I had set up boundaries that are not real and self-imposed limits. Now I must remove those, open my cage, and once more fly free with joy.
Is this happening to you, perhaps, in your journey of making a life change? If so, please share how you are meeting this challenge. Contact me if you would like to have a conversation.